SECURE YOUR PHONE

Your phone is the most likely way she monitors you. Take these steps seriously.

Check for tracking apps

Abusers frequently install location-tracking or monitoring apps on their partner’s phone — sometimes openly (“for safety”), sometimes secretly. Common signs include:

• Your battery drains faster than normal
• Your phone runs hot when you’re not using it
• She seems to know where you’ve been without you telling her
• She references conversations or searches you didn’t share with her

What to do:

• Review all installed apps. Look for anything you don’t recognize, especially apps with generic names like “System Service,” “Phone Monitor,” or “Family Safety.”
• Check your location sharing settings. On iPhone: Settings → Privacy → Location Services → Share My Location. On Android: Google Maps → your profile → Location Sharing. Turn off any sharing you didn’t knowingly enable.
• Check if your iCloud or Google account is signed into another device. On iPhone: Settings → [your name] → scroll down to see all devices. On Android: myaccount.google.com → Security → Your Devices.
• If you find monitoring software, do NOT delete it immediately — that alerts her that you know. Instead, use a separate device for sensitive activity and plan your next steps.

Lock down your accounts

• Change the PIN or passcode on your phone to something she can’t guess. Don’t use birthdays, anniversaries, or common patterns.
• Enable biometric lock (fingerprint or face ID) if available.
• Turn off notification previews on your lock screen so she can’t read incoming texts or emails without unlocking the phone. On iPhone: Settings → Notifications → Show Previews → “When Unlocked.” On Android: Settings → Notifications → Lock Screen → “Hide content.”
• Review your auto-fill and saved passwords. Remove any saved logins for sensitive accounts (email, cloud storage, legal resources).

Secure your communications

• For sensitive calls (attorney, hotline, therapist), use a prepaid phone purchased with cash, or call from work or a trusted friend’s phone.
• For sensitive texts, use an encrypted messaging app like Signal — but only if it won’t raise suspicion. If she monitors your app installations, it’s safer to use a separate device.
• Delete call logs and text threads related to DV resources, attorneys, or your trusted person. Do this every time.

LOCATION TRACKING

She may be tracking your physical location through your phone, your car, or shared accounts. Here’s how to check and what to do.

Phone location

• iPhone: Settings → Privacy → Location Services → Share My Location. Also check Find My iPhone — if she has your Apple ID credentials, she can see your location in real time.
• Android: Google Maps → profile → Location Sharing. Also check Google’s “Find My Device” at android.com/find.
• Family sharing plans: If you’re on a shared phone plan, the account holder may be able to see call logs, text logs, and location data through the carrier’s app or website.

Car tracking

• Check your vehicle for AirTags, Tile trackers, or GPS devices. Common hiding spots: inside the bumper, under the dashboard, in the glove box, under seats, in the trunk.
• If your car has a built-in GPS or connected service (OnStar, Tesla app, manufacturer app), check whether she has access to the account.

Social media and check-ins

• Turn off location tagging on all social media posts.
• Disable automatic check-ins.
• Review your privacy settings — make sure she can’t see your location through shared apps like Snapchat (Snap Map), Google Maps, or Find My Friends.

What if you can’t remove tracking?

If removing tracking would alert her and escalate the situation, don’t remove it. Instead:

• Leave your tracked phone at home when you need to go somewhere privately (attorney’s office, therapist, trusted friend). Use a prepaid phone or borrow one.
• Be strategic about your movements — visit sensitive locations on your way to or from somewhere explainable (grocery store, gym, work).
• Document the tracking itself — it’s evidence of coercive control and surveillance.

QUICK REFERENCE CHECKLIST

• ☐ Use incognito/private browsing every time you visit DV resources
• ☐ Clear browser history after every session if not using incognito
• ☐ Check for tracking apps on your phone
• ☐ Check location sharing settings (phone, car, social media)
• ☐ Create a separate email account on a device she can’t access
• ☐ Store documentation in a secure cloud account tied to that email
• ☐ Turn off lock screen notification previews
• ☐ Identify one trusted person and share your situation with them
• ☐ Keep your phone charged and with you at all times
• ☐ Prepare a go-bag and keep it accessible
• ☐ Know the exits from every room in your home
• ☐ Consult an attorney before making any major moves

STAY SAFE. STAY SMART. STAY READY.

You’re reading this because you’re in a situation where you have to hide the fact that you’re looking for help. That alone tells you everything you need to know about your relationship.

Cover your tracks. Protect your evidence. Tell one person. And when you’re ready — there’s a plan waiting for you.

You don’t have to do this today. But you do have to do this.

All statistics on this page are sourced from federal government surveys or peer-reviewed, published research. Full citations are available on our References page. We encourage independent verification of every number presented here.