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EMPLOYERS & HR

He’s in your office every day. You may not know what he’s going home to.

Domestic violence doesn’t stay at home. It follows your employees to work — in lost productivity, absenteeism, distraction, injuries they can’t explain, and performance problems that seem to come out of nowhere.

You already know this about female employees. What you may not know is that it applies to male employees at rates that are far higher than most employers realize.

Over 52 million men in the United States have experienced intimate partner violence in their lifetime (Leemis et al., 2022). In one study, 91% of male DV victims had left or lost a job in the previous year as a direct result of violence in the home (Swanberg et al., 2006 cited in Hall, 2016). These men are in your workforce right now — and the abuse they’re experiencing is costing your organization in ways you’re probably not tracking.

This page is about recognizing the signs, understanding what these employees are dealing with, and building workplace policies that support all victims of domestic violence — not just the ones you expect.

Full citations are available on our References page.

52 million men have experienced DV

THE WORKPLACE IMPACT

Domestic violence costs U.S. employers billions annually in lost productivity, healthcare costs, absenteeism, and turnover. Male victims contribute significantly to those costs — but are almost never identified or supported.

Job loss and instability:

  • 91% of male victims in one study had left or lost a job in the previous year as a direct result of violence in the home (Swanberg et al., 2006 cited in Hall, 2016).
  • “Financial sabotage” — causing a victim to lose his job through constant harassment at the workplace, making false reports to his employer, or creating crises that force him to miss work — is a documented form of coercive control used against male victims (Hines et al., 2015).

Absenteeism and presenteeism:

  • Male victims may miss work due to injuries, court appearances, emergency custody hearings, or the need to deal with crises created by the abuser.
  • Presenteeism — being physically at work but unable to focus or perform — is common among victims of ongoing psychological abuse. A man who is being monitored, threatened, or controlled by text message throughout the day cannot give his full attention to his work.

Health and safety:

  • 44.6% of male IPV victims sustained physical injuries (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2019–2024).
  • 57.9% of help-seeking men met the clinical cut-off for PTSD (Hines & Douglas, 2011).
  • Male victims may present at work with unexplained injuries, fatigue, weight changes, concentration problems, or increased substance use.

Workplace harassment by the abuser:

  • In some cases, the abuser may work at the same organization — creating a direct safety and liability issue.
  • Abusers frequently extend their control into the victim’s workplace: showing up unannounced, calling or texting excessively, contacting HR or supervisors with false information, or creating scenes that result in termination.

91% of male DV victims had left or lost a job in the previous year due to abuse. He’s not underperforming. He’s surviving.

WORKPLACE INDICATORS

Signs to Watch For

Managers and HR professionals are not expected to diagnose domestic violence. But you are in a position to notice patterns that may indicate an employee is in crisis.

Performance changes: An employee who was previously reliable and competent begins missing deadlines, making errors, or seeming distracted. His performance reviews decline. He seems exhausted or disengaged.

Attendance patterns: Frequent absences — especially on Mondays or after weekends. Leaving early or arriving late with vague explanations. Using all available sick time. Requesting sudden schedule changes.

Communication changes: He’s constantly checking his phone. He seems anxious when he receives calls or texts. He steps away frequently for private conversations. He’s become withdrawn from coworkers he was previously close with.

Visible signs: Unexplained injuries — bruises, scratches, marks on his arms or face — that he dismisses or explains inconsistently. Weight loss. Fatigue. Changes in grooming or appearance.

Financial indicators: He’s suddenly unable to afford things he could before. He asks about payroll advances. He inquires about changing his direct deposit or paycheck distribution. He seems stressed about money in ways that don’t match his salary.

Partner behavior at the workplace: His partner calls the office frequently. She shows up unannounced. She contacts his supervisor or HR. She creates situations that require him to leave work. Coworkers mention that she seems controlling or aggressive.

None of these signs alone confirm DV. But a pattern of several — particularly in a male employee — warrants a private, supportive conversation.

MANAGER & HR GUIDANCE

How to Respond

If you suspect an employee is experiencing DV:

1. Have a private conversation. Don’t ambush him. Find a private, comfortable setting and express concern without accusation. You don’t need to diagnose the situation — you need to open the door.

Try: “I’ve noticed you seem like you’re dealing with something. I want you to know that this is a safe space, and if there’s anything going on that’s affecting you, I’d like to help.”

Don’t say: “Is your wife hitting you?” or “Are you being abused?” He’s almost certainly not ready for that language.

2. Listen without judgment. If he discloses, listen. Don’t minimize (“I’m sure it’s not that bad”), don’t problem-solve immediately (“you should leave her”), and don’t express disbelief (“but she seemed so nice at the holiday party”). Just listen. Acknowledgment alone is powerful.

3. Offer resources, not ultimatums. Connect him with your company’s EAP (Employee Assistance Program). Most EAPs offer confidential counseling sessions at no cost — and 70.6% of men who saw a mental health professional found them helpful (Douglas & Hines, 2011). Also offer:

  • The National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
  • The resources on this site
  • Flexibility around scheduling for appointments, court dates, or safety needs

4. Protect his job. A man who is being abused should not also have to fear losing his livelihood. To the extent possible within your policies, offer flexibility: adjusted schedules, remote work options, leave for legal or safety needs, and protection from termination due to DV-related performance issues. Document the accommodation, not the disclosure.

5. Secure the workplace. If his abuser has contacted the office, shown up at work, or made threats, take it seriously as a safety issue — for him and for your other employees. Work with security to:

  • Flag the abuser’s identity at reception
  • Adjust his parking location or entry point if needed
  • Screen his calls or redirect them
  • Develop a safety plan specific to the workplace

DV-INCLUSIVE WORKPLACE POLICY

Most workplace DV policies — where they exist at all — were written with female victims in mind. A gender-inclusive policy protects all employees and reduces organizational liability.

Key elements of an inclusive policy:

Use gender-neutral language. Replace “she” and “her” with “the employee” or “the affected person.” Remove assumptions about who the victim and perpetrator are. A policy that reads as though only women can be victims signals to male employees that the policy doesn’t apply to them.

Include non-physical abuse. Define domestic violence broadly: physical violence, psychological and emotional abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, legal and administrative aggression, stalking, and digital surveillance. Many male victims experience no physical violence but are subject to severe coercive control that affects every aspect of their lives — including their work.

Promote your EAP as a DV resource. Most employees don’t know that their EAP covers domestic violence counseling. Make it visible — in onboarding materials, on the intranet, in benefits communications, and in manager training. Emphasize that EAP referrals are confidential.

Train managers to recognize DV in male employees. Include male-specific indicators in your manager training: anger or withdrawal rather than visible fear, minimization, reluctance to discuss home life, financial stress inconsistent with salary, and partner behavior at the workplace. Train managers to respond with empathy, not investigation.

Offer DV-specific leave. If your organization offers DV leave — or if your state mandates it — ensure it is available to all employees regardless of gender. If your policy references “domestic violence victims” without specifying gender, make that gender-neutrality explicit in training and communications.

Create a confidential reporting pathway. Employees should have a way to disclose DV to HR that does not trigger a formal investigation or become part of their performance file. The disclosure should connect them to resources, not create risk. Many men will not disclose if they believe it will be documented in a way that could affect their career.

A man who is being abused at home should not also have to fear losing his job. Protect his livelihood. It may be the only thing he has left.

HE’S ALREADY AT WORK

He showed up today. He’ll show up tomorrow. He’s sitting in a meeting right now trying to focus while his phone buzzes with threats he can’t answer and questions he can’t explain.

He’s not going to tell you what’s happening. Not unless you create a workplace where he believes it’s safe to.

Build that workplace. Because the man in the next cubicle, the one who’s been “off” lately, the one whose performance doesn’t match what you know he’s capable of — he might be fighting a war at home that no one at work knows about.

See him. Support him. And don’t let the abuse cost him the one thing that might still be holding his life together.

That’s shepherding. All of them.

RESOURCES

For your organization:

  • STATISTICS — the data on male victimization, help-seeking, and system failure
  • REFERENCES — 48+ peer-reviewed sources in APA format
  • CONTACT US — to discuss training or consultation for your faith community

For the men in your congregation:

  • Your company’s EAP (Employee Assistance Program) — confidential and free
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (call) or text START to 88788
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
  • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
  • IS IT ABUSE — a screening tool designed for men
  • SAFETY PLANNING — how to build a safe exit plan

All statistics on this page are sourced from federal government surveys or peer-reviewed, published research. Full citations are available on our References page. We encourage independent verification of every number presented here.